Practicing Confidence & Embracing Blowing It

When I was in second grade, I was really into tap dancing. My Mom had enrolled my sister and me in a Tap, Ballet & Jazz class, a class which culminated in a recital with fantastic home-made costumes. Think lots of neon sequins and enough fringe for a country western music video. 

I was okay at the ballet (my tall, gangly body just wasn’t meant for it) and decent at the jazz (it was a little too free-form for me), but oh my goodness, did I love the tap dancing. I was made for those ball-changes and shuffles. 

So when our elementary school’s annual talent show came around I was beyond excited to showcase my amazing tap talent. I had the costume, I had the routine. I was set. I took the stage, my music started, I began my first tap moves and then, disaster. I did an energetic kick-ball-change and my tap shoe flew off my 8-year-old foot and into the audience. 

Kicking Failure in the Face

I did what any normal adolescent would do in that situation:  I ran off the stage crying while trying to ignore the shrieks of laughter from my classmates. I had humiliated myself in front of the entire elementary school. Of course the teachers and back-stage moms gathered around and consoled me. And somehow, with enough prodding and support from them - and after someone had collected my shoe and secured it more tightly to my foot - I went back out on stage and finished my routine.

And while I didn’t win a prize in the talent show, I was pretty pleased with myself that I went back out there in front of everyone after a complete failure. And my shoe stayed on my foot the second time. I had failed (pretty embarrassingly), but I picked myself back up. 

Practice, Practice, Practice

Many of us aren’t born with natural confidence. We have to practice it. In big moments - like going back onstage after you blow it, or in little moments, like starting up a conversation with a stranger. And for these moments it helps to have folks in your corner, tightening your shoelace and urging you on. 

I’ve found that I don’t give myself enough credit for practicing confidence as often as I do. My default setting is introvert but I’ve successfully networked crowds to make contacts, been on stage as an emcee and given school tours to multi-millionaires and mayors. Plus, I’ve literally swam with sharks. Well, they were nurse sharks but hey, I was still terrified and I still did it (and basically alone, as my boyfriend abandoned me by swimming off to take photos of the colorful fish). 

The hope is that that little ball of fear, anxiety, terror, what-have-you, will get smaller and smaller the more you practice confidence. I believe it does, in certain scenarios. Networking crowds and public speaking has gotten easier for me, as I learned how to prepare myself properly and follow a few tried-and-true methods (take it slow, deep breaths, find a friendly face, etc., etc.). 

Not Today, Failure

But facing potential failure doesn’t always get easier. Practicing confidence can help us take leaps, but doesn’t necessarily soften the ground if we miss the landing. At least not for those of us in the GenX crowd. I, like many of my peers, was NOT brought up in a culture that said that losing was okay, or that coming in second place was acceptable. 

So failure was Failure - with a capital F. It was big and looming, and was to be avoided. 

It’s taken me many years, and many instances of practicing confidence, to be able to stare the potential of failure in the face and say, “I see you, you will not defeat me.” Granted, I still get beaten down like the rest of us when I put it all out there, and then get rejected. How can you not take it personally, am I right? 

Launching this personal website was a real test for me - of confidence and of faith in others. My lovely sister has been encouraging me for a long time to start selling my hand-made jewelry, And I’ve often thought of sharing my writing more, all those blogs and essays I’ve written in my head while trying to turn my brain off at night. But it’s intimidating for many of us to throw things out into the Internet ether and see what comes back. 

Well, I’m putting it out there. And we’ll see what comes back. And if I fail, well, I’ve got the support of others - notably my amazing family and friends, which will make it easier to get back up, tie the shoelaces super tight, and keep on tap dancing.